Our previous class, "The Essence of Esther", examined Esther's dilemna as a Jew living in a foreign culture. The Jewish women of today can often share Esther's experience. We therefore asked, "How would you, our cyberspace student body, counsel an individual who finds herself in an environment with a set of values different from her own?" Here are some of the responses we received:

I live in the situation described above as I'm sure do many students of this course so I'm glad you asked this question. I have found that the best thing I can do in this situation is to study. This helps improve and uplift soul traits like generosity, courage, loving kindness, trust, and patience so that I can be more understanding of the secular family and society I live in and also be courageous enough to be different. The other practices I find very helpful and highly recommend are maintaining a daily diary where you review what you've learned over the day and focus on a new character trait that you would like to strengthen each week. It can also be very helpful to organize a local study group and/or partner.

Suzanne

I would tell this woman that we are to live in this world, but be not of this world and worldly things. Sure there are a lot of negatives out there, but do I do as they do or as G-d wants me to do? That is what one should ask themselves before venturing out each day.

BatYah

Since I have lived that life before (I was in the military and stationed in Turkey). I worked very hard to keep my values strong.

Since the Rabbi was only flown in under the cover of darkness 2x per year, my husband and I tried to remain diligent and true to our heritage.

It was difficult and we didn't always succeed (the military doesn't observe Shabbat). There were obstacles around that you didn't figure on, but the one thing I will say is....who you socialize with, who you invite into your family and how you live your life every day makes it easier over time to ignore the obstacles and rejoice in the celebration of Judaism. It made us appreciate our culture and our Jewishness more than at any other time -up to that point! Don't give up, don't give in - even if you must compromise and live!

Jo B.

When one is in a situation where those around have a different set of values, whether they are above or beyond mine, I must remember that no one has the exact combination of family, soul, strength, talent, challenges etc. and therefore I must think what is expected of me as an individual. Using my strength and courage I can do my best. This is a powerful tool to be able to live a life of learning and growing.

I would start with saying to stay true to her values irregardless of what surrounds her. In order to do that she would need to remind herself constantly what her values are, why they are important and how she intends to remain true to them. Without a constant reminder of what these values are and action that reflects these values, submerging into the values of the culture surrounding her would be inevitable. I would remind her of the inner strength and character it takes to be different from others and to draw on her source of being to find this strength.

Elisha

Having grown up and lived in a society with only a very small religious environment, I would say that this situation makes one really strong in his belief. One has to be very careful not to melt in with the non-Jewish environment. I found it very important to appoint certain times if possible every night for learning with a partner and on one's own, to attend every class possible and to meet with other Jews on every occasion. Once that is settled and "works out" I was, maybe just because I had the contrast right in front of me, even prouder of and more devoted to a religious Jewish life.

Menucha

The question posed is not abstract. Unless one lives in an exclusively Jewish world, we are all individuals finding ourselves in an environment with a set of values different from our own.

As Jews, we are called upon to be a light unto the nations, not a light in the closet. It is our role, challenging though it may be at times, to live among the nations and influence them to live according to the will of HaShem. One does this by example, with Kindness and with (charity). Prayer and daily observance of the commandments are our anchors against the storming influences around us.

Therefore, my counsel would be to pray, to try to observe the commandments, and to do one's best to be kind and charitable toward all.

A.L.

I would say first and foremost, she should pray and study everyday in order to stay strong and connected to her faith. She should not try to argue or defend her faith to those who do not share her values. However, she should remain proud of her faith and never hesitate to express her pride and values.

Tamara

I feel that if one is in an environment with different values to ones own, one must stick to ones own values because:- A. one can only find peace when one is true to oneself and not living a lie B. others respect us if we remain true to our faith and set of values C. Hashem chose us as his people and that makes us responsible for upholding his laws

Mireille (Johannesburg - South Africa)

Strengthen your belief , repeat them, remind yourself of past success and maintain your faith that God is there. Chella

My principle is to be aware of the rightness of my stand, first of all, by knowing what G-d says. Then I stand by my principle, without judging my neighbor, or criticizing him for failing to meet my concept of right and wrong. I believe the outcome of standing by my principle will be that spiritual light and blessing will spread so that others will be drawn to know G-d's universal laws as well.

Margie Z.

------------------------------------------------------------------------- Women in Judaism, Copyright © 2005 by the Jewish Renaissance Center and Torah.org. Rebbetzin Leah Kohn, editor of Women in Judaism, is the Director of the Jewish Renaissance Center a learning institute for women located in New York City.

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